They Totally Should Have Hired Me To Direct The Movie

I remember seeing a few reviews last week which compared Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 to The Empire Strikes Back. I thought those comparisons made it fairly clear at which point in the book Part 1 would end, and I found that my guess was correct when I saw the movie today.

[Spoilers]

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Even though Dobby’s death serves as a natural break between the two movies, I have one big complaint about how this film ended: Why couldn’t Deathly Hallows 1 have explicitly homaged the famous final scene of Empire?

So, we would have had Harry with his arm around Hermione and then Ron and Luna (my preference, but another character might have worked) standing slightly behind them as all four stare at Dobby’s grave. Wouldn’t that have been awesome?

Actually, If The Whole Thing Were A Musical…

I can only hope that the Whedon-less Buffy remake is most heavily influenced by the character arcs, plot lines, and quality of writing of the sixth season of the television show, as opposed to the show’s earlier (good) seasons. If this thing is going to be a train wreck, I want the biggest train wreck imaginable.

At Least My Plan To Never Fly Anywhere Ever Again (For Unrelated Reasons) Seems More Reasonable By The Day (When I Don’t Mention The Unrelated Reasons)

The body scan/pat-down thing seems like something about which I’m supposed to have an opinion, and I can’t figure out why that would be the case. Being felt up by a TSA employee would likely be somewhat unenjoyable, but why would anyone refuse to go through the scanner in the first place? I can’t even begin to understand the objections. They might cause cancer? Someone can see a weird outline of your naked body? Neither strikes me as a legitimate complaint; everything might cause cancer and the weird naked outline thing is just too goofy to be an actual concern for any rational person.

In other words, shut up, everyone.

A New Big Budget Superhero Movie Trailer, You Say? Probably Time For Andrew To Blog Again!

First Green Lantern trailer:

I don’t particularly love Green Lantern. The idea behind Green Lantern is one of the best “high concepts” in superhero comics (a genre full of nothing but high concepts): Cocky test pilot finds a crashed spacecraft; dying alien inside gives him a magical wishing ring that allows him to create anything he wants; test pilot becomes intergalactic space cop. The execution, though? Meh. Despite all of the acclaim Geoff Johns has gotten for his run on Green Lantern, I still dislike Hal Jordan as a character and I still find Johns’s continuity-porn (and, occasionally, gory-violence-as-porn) version of cosmic action to be utterly uninteresting*.

There are two versions of Green Lantern I like: Darwyn Cooke’s DC: The New Frontier is absolutely brilliant, and it stars a version of Hal who generally works for me, while the John Stewart as Green Lantern who appears in the animated Justice League and Justice League Unlimited is a really strong character who’d I’d like to see more of in the comics. However, the “main” version of Hal Jordan, Green Lantern is, in my opinion, either boring or unlikeable depending on the story.

That said, I do like Ryan Reynolds. I also think that DC/Warners is trying really hard to build on the success of the Nolan/Bale Batman and finally get their other superheroes to work on film. I want Green Lantern to work because, at a very basic level, I love superhero movies. Unfortunately, this trailer doesn’t get me terribly excited for the film.

A few thoughts:

1) I’m not sure this characterization of Hal Jordan will work in the wake of two films featuring Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark. Do we really want to see another superhero franchise featuring an arrogant womanizer (albeit one ten years younger and without the billions of dollars) in the lead role right now? It’s just a trailer with a few lines of dialogue, but I definitely got the sense that Reynolds’s Jordan will be unable to shake the comparison to Downey’s Stark in the popular consciousness. Unfortunately for Reynolds, the comparison is likely to be unfavorable to him, not necessarily because he’ll do anything wrong with the character, but because he appeared later.

2) The effects definitely did not “wow” me. I imagine watching on a larger screen would make a difference, but even so, the brief shot of Hal on what I assume is Oa looked very obviously green screened in the way that some of the scenes from Star Wars: Episode I looked very obviously green screened. On a similar note, the alien characters’ make-up was unimpressive. One of the toughest parts of doing a Hal Jordan Green Lantern movie would have to be making his arch-enemy Sinestro, a pink guy with a pencil mustache, look anything but ridiculous in a live-action film. From the brief glimpse we got, the filmmakers did not succeed here.

3) From the trailer, I got no sense of the actual plot of the movie beyond the origin story. I did, however, see glimpses of both Sinestro and that big head dude who I know is also a Green Lantern villain. Are they going with big head dude as this movie’s villain with Sinestro simply getting a few cameos? If even I don’t know that guy’s name (or what he does), and I actually read comics, is he going to be able to carry a movie? Or, potentially even worse, are they already introducing way too many characters and villains instead of waiting until the second or third sequel as most superhero franchises have done in the past?

*For the record, I’ve read Green Lantern: Rebirth, The Sinestro Corps War, and Blackest Night. The first one was okay in parts, but mostly confusing in its slavish devotion to DC continuity in which I have no interest. The second was mostly enjoyable but had a terrible resolution. The third was just stupid on every level.

Because This Was An Extremely Productive Use Of An Hour Today

I was catching up on my NPR All Songs Considered podcasts this afternoon, and one of the songs featured on last week’s show was the Flaming Lips’ “Talkin’ ‘Bout The Smiling Deathporn Immortality Blues (Everyone Wants To Live Forever)”. I had never heard this song before (as far as I remember), but that is one fantastic song title. In fact, the Flaming Lips have a number of fantastic titles in their catalog, among both their songs and their albums. This line of thought naturally led me to compile a list of my favorite song titles of all time.

The following list is not meant to be based on how much I like each song, but on how much I like the title itself. However, the list is composed solely of songs I like at some basic level, as I pulled titles only from songs which appear on the 1,600+ song playlist which serves as the shuffle playlist on my iPhone. (Going through my entire iTunes library of 10,000+ songs, let alone the millions of songs I lack, would have been way too time consuming an exercise.) It was, of course, difficult to completely separate the composition of this list and the subsequent ranking of titles from my feelings about the songs themselves, but I did my best. To take two examples: R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” would be ranked as one of my five to ten favorite songs of all time, and the title is pretty great, but the title did not ultimately merit inclusion here. Meanwhile, Talking Heads’ “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)” is one of my five to ten favorite songs of all time, and I also included it here for its title, but I have some concerns as to whether my feelings about the song influenced its placement.

Honorable Mentions:

The Flaming Lips – “Talkin’ ‘Bout The Smiling Deathporn Immortality Blues (Everyone Wants To Live Forever)” (from Hit to Death in the Future Head)

As I said, this title prompted the list, but I don’t feel comfortable including a title I just heard for the first time. It should sink in first.

The Presidents of the United States of America – “Love Delicatessen” (from Pure Frosting)

The title is even better than it sounds, because the song’s lyrics are actually about a love delicatessen.

Liz Phair – “H.W.C.” (from Liz Phair)

Not included on the list itself because just naming a song “H.W.C.” isn’t quite good enough. When you know that “H.W.C.” stands for “hot white cum” and that Phair included this song on an album which was explicitly intended to appeal to a mass audience, it becomes much more hilarious, but that would somewhat violate the rules I created.

Radiohead – “How to Disappear Completely” (from Kid A)

The title isn’t nearly as awesome as it could have been. This one was originally called “How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found”, which would have made the list, but “How to Disappear Completely” isn’t as evocative.

#10:

Sleater-Kinney – “I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone” (from Call the Doctor)

Just a fantastic sentence. It says so much in such a goofy way.

#9:

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – “Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood” (from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah)

I was also considering AC/DC’s “If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)”, but this one is better as far as blood imagery goes.

#8:

The Clash – Lost in the Supermarket (from London Calling)

I guess the song is actually about things, but the title is great taken literally- I’d love to hear a They Might Be Giants song with the same title.

#7:

The Beatles – While My Guitar Gently Weeps (from The Beatles)

Just a beautiful phrase.

#6:

Jenny Lewis (with the Watson Twins) – “Rise Up With Fists!!” (from Rabbit Fur Coat)

The excessive exclamation points take this title from sort of generic to brilliant.

#5:

Radiohead – “Subterranean Homesick Alien” (from OK Computer)

I suppose it could be argued that being a Dylan homage makes this title less cool, but I think it makes it great.

#4:

Johnny Boy – “You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve” (from Johnny Boy)

As far as I know, Johnny Boy never did anything else worth noting, but that title is pretty great.

#3:

Talking Heads – “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)” (from Speaking in Tongues)

“This Must Be the Place” seems simplistic compared to the other titles here, so like I said, maybe my feelings regarding the song overwhelmed my decision-making process. I’m trying my best to be objective, and I really think this is a brilliant song title.

#2:

Primitive Radio Gods – “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand” (from Rocket)

One of those titles which tells a whole story.

#1:

Cansei de Ser Sexy – “Music Is My Hot Hot Sex” (from Cansei de Ser Sexy)

If you don’t immediately see why this is my favorite song title of all time, then I don’t think I could possibly explain it to you.

Chrome Extensions

How long has Chrome for Mac been able to run extensions? Why did the program not tell me when it downloaded an update which made extensions possible?

God Forbid The Suburban Commuters Be Forced To Pay Their Share

The Metro fare hike includes a 20% increase in bus fares and a decrease of 33% in the amount of time a transfer is valid.

Meanwhile, the cost of daily non-reserved parking at a Metro station will not increase at all.

It’s a good thing the point of our city’s public transportation system is to help suburbanites subsidize their selfish lifestyle choices with the money of less wealthy residents of the city itself.

Willow’s Relationship With Tara Doesn’t At All Come Out Of Nowhere In Retrospect

I suddenly realized while watching it again that the Buffy episode Hush (the famous silent episode) would have been nearly unworkable had it been written today, only about ten years after it actually aired. It pushed the limits of credibility when it asked us to believe that a large group of college students in 1999 didn’t have email and instant messaging, but only by a small amount. Today, the whole thing (not the monster killing, but the good parts of the episode) would have been more-or-less resolved with ten minutes worth of electronic communication.

In other words: Those crazy kids today with their text messages…

Also: I just got to the part where Willow points to her heart and Xander mouths the question, “Boobies?” Classic.

Maybe I Don’t Know What Kentucky Is?

Am I really supposed to think that Kentucky will vote against Rand Paul because he opposes the Civil Rights Act?

(Yes, I’ve seen the argument which states, roughly, that Paul’s reasons for opposing the Civil Rights Act will lead him to also announce his opposition to things like Social Security if asked. Quite frankly, I doubt he’s stupid enough to do that. I’m expecting a lot of dodging- or outright lying- on Paul’s part from here on out. Besides, his position on issues like abortion indicate that he’s not a real libertarian, anyway. Maybe he doesn’t oppose things like Social Security and just hates the Civil Rights Act for… other… reasons.)

Back On The Bandwagon

What They Died For totally made up for the shortcomings of The Candidate and Across the Sea. It didn’t quite render moot all of the flaws of those episodes, but it got me back to the point where I think the writers/producers/whoever are going to stick the landing on Sunday. I’m much less worried about the character resolutions we’re about to get, and I’m willing to write off Across the Sea as necessary to spell some things out for people who were a bit slow to figure out where the show was going but a bit redundant for those of us who already “got it”. (That’s right, I’m saying that I’m smarter than you.)

Spoilers for tonight’s episode below, as I want to mention a few specific points.

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This will be a bit scattershot, focusing on individual characters or plotlines in rough order of (perceived by me) importance:

1) The Earth-2 timeline clearly matters, and I think I’m going to like the way in which it will matter. I thought the same thing at the start of the season and again when the Desmond episode rolled around, but I lost a bit of faith as it dragged between those points. Now I’m once again convinced that it’s going to work.

1a) I think the other timeline will give me the satisfactory resolution I wanted for Locke (real Locke), Sayid, and probably Jin and Sun in the finale.

1b) Desmond was fantastic in this episode. I was uncertain whether he had a plan or just wanted to show everyone the new world he found and was making it up as he went along, but now it’s clear that he does have a plan.

2) Just as Jack was finally ready to take the job from Jacob, I finally made my peace with him being the show’s primary protagonist. I still don’t love him or anything, but I didn’t hate him tonight. More importantly, I don’t think being the hero in this case is going to be a reward, per se. Jack had to declare his willingness to sacrifice tonight, and I think he’s going to be forced to follow through on that willingness in a major way on Sunday. (Most likely guess, of course, is learning of and then erasing the existence of David on Earth-2.)

2a) The whole conversation with Jacob just fundamentally worked for me. He answered what I wanted to know.

2b) I liked how Sawyer and Kate responded to Jacob as well as Jacob’s explanation for why Kate was crossed off of his list. I wish Hurley had reached the point where he wanted the job, but I think he’ll still get a solid chance for heroics in a few days.

2c) Jack’s ex/David’s mom has to be Juliet at this point, right? I assume that’s how we finally get an explanation for what she told Sawyer in the season premiere.

3) The Ben stuff all worked for me, too. I wanted Ben to stay on the good side, but I accepted his switch in the name of vengeance on Widmore for the same reason as I loved his crying on Earth-2. (Plus, I think he might still stab Esau in the back at a key moment.)

3a) Somewhat surprisingly, I didn’t mind Smokey abruptly killing off Richard. It made sense, and his story is more or less finished.

3b) I’m glad Miles seemingly got away and will have a chance to meet back up with the main cast for a role in the finale.

3c) I imagine we’ll learn some of the details of Widmore’s plan that he can no longer execute, but I will be somewhat annoyed if they don’t have time to provide a satisfactory explanation for his role in all of this. That’s really one of the few things for which I want an “answer” and doubt I’ll receive one.

Late Night Minor League Baseball Fun

MASN is showing the Syracuse vs. Norfolk Triple-A game on tape delay right now. This matters only because the game featured Steven Strasburg’s second start at the Triple-A level. Strasburg “just” finished the top of the 2nd with a K followed by two easy outs as I begin this post; he gave up a walk in the first, but otherwise he’s looked exactly as good as he’s supposed to be.

I have two observations unrelated to Strasburg’s performance itself:

1) I found out MASN would eventually be showing the game this afternoon when I was half-watching the Nats beat the Mets while also reading. Watching a tape delayed minor league game immediately became my sole goal for the entire remainder of the day. Summer vacation is AWESOME.

2) I would be absolutely thrilled if MASN replaced Dibble and Carpenter with whoever these guys are who are announcing this minor league game. They aren’t particularly good, but after one-and-two-thirds innings, they have yet to say anything which struck me as unfathomably stupid or obnoxious. Dibble, on the other hand, is one of the fundamental banes of my existence.

At Least The Scenes On The Sub Were Genuinely Tense For The Most Part

[Lost spoilers]

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For a second, I thought they were actually going to kill off Kate. There was the whole discussion about how she isn’t important, and then she got shot. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Instead they killed Sayid, who I’ve always liked and whose story isn’t finished, for the second time this year. Whether he comes back again or not, this could be a really bad sign for how the last few episodes are going to go: Either all death will be meaningless (because everyone is coming back) or we aren’t getting any actual closure (because the characters we care about aren’t the ones whose stories will be properly concluded).

Also, I would prefer almost any alternative ending I can imagine over Jack becoming Jacob’s replacement and the show’s official “hero”. Is there anyone on the face of the planet aside from the Lost writers and perhaps Matthew Fox who actually likes Jack as a character?

Stop Coddling Congressional Republicans

Faisal Shahzad is an American citizen. That means he has every right listed in the Constitution, every additional right defined in federal law, and every additional right enumerated over the years by the courts.

Like most people, I don’t really know the details of Miranda requirements. If they were allowed to not read him his Miranda rights and they didn’t, I’m fine with that. However, he’s an American citizen and he needs to be treated and tried as one. People like John McCain and Peter King pose a much greater long-term threat to this country than assholes who make incompetent attempts to blow themselves up.

In Which I Begin The Summer, When I Was Expecting To Have Nothing To Do Other Than Start Blogging Again, A Few Weeks Early

Why is Catcher in the Rye on Wikipedia’s list of candidates for the title of The Great American Novel? Why do so few people understand that the book is utter crap?

Actually, there are a lot of questionable books on their list (including a few novels I love but would never suggest were TGAN- Gravity’s Rainbow, for example, is clearly A Great American Novel, but it’s too inaccessible to be in the running for The Great American Novel). I have trouble seeing how anyone can make a serious argument for anything other than Moby-Dick, Huck Finn, Gatsby, Grapes of Wrath, or Sound and the Fury. A few others come close to being serious competitors, but really, those are the only possible winners.

For the record, I think Gatsby comes out on top, but (a) I’ve never read Moby-Dick, (b) as much as I hate Hemingway*, he was probably right when he said that Huck Finn was the source of all modern American literature, (c) it is pretty hard to argue with Grapes of Wrath, and (d) I’m not a Faulkner fan, personally, but I can still see a legitimate argument for it.

*Thank Jebus none of Hemingway’s books are on that list.

More On The Obama Race Conversation

I really liked this section from a post-game interview with Senator Obama:

“Michelle and most of my black friends I think were much more confident and calm about me giving this speech. My white friends and advisers were much more nervous.”

Asked why the difference: “The African American community deals with this, grapples with this in ways that the white community just doesn’t. This is a common experience. I think most African Americans will share it. If there’s some horrendous crime out there, black people are always a little nervous until they see the picture, hoping that it’s not a black person who committed it. A white person never thinks that way.”

Now, in agreeing with Obama, I’m going to slightly qualify what he said: White Jews definitely do think this way on occasion (and I suspect other whites who still see themselves as part of a historically persecuted minority also share the feeling once in a while). It’s where the phrase “shandeh for the goyim” originates; we’re all embarrassed and concerned when a guy like Jack Abramoff gets his comeuppance because the crimes he committed seem like they might confirm to the majority some of the very worst stereotypes about Jews. So, when Obama says, “If there’s some horrendous crime out there, black people are always a little nervous until they see the picture, hoping that it’s not a black person who committed it,” black people are probably worrying about different crimes that would uphold different stereotypes, but it’s a similar sentiment. And, yes, I agree that- while the sentiment is slightly broader than Obama states here- most white Protestant Americans don’t have a real sense of how that feels.